Well, it is the new year. I have always looked forward to new years with a measure of optimism and hope....but this year, I just can no longer find that within me. Only for my health and financial situation, in all other matters, I have lots of hope and optimism.....but I am pretty sure this blog will not reflect that.
Today I was food shopping when I heard from the other isle, "Honey, that is not a necessary food, we can only get what is necessary now" The isle they were in was not candy, or sugary cereals, or soda (this store doesn't even have soda).....the isle they were in was the bulk beans and rice. The child was wanting black beans...yes, the more expensive variety, but none the less....should not be looked at as a luxury item. I happen to know this family, I know they are struggling...and it makes me sad. Both mom and dad work, and rather decent jobs. Just a few years ago, they would be considered middle class by Vermont standards....now, their basket had a few items that looked like maybe it was for a soup. The veggies came from the half price isle. This family, like so many others, make too much for assistance, but not enough to live on.
I came across a friend who I had not seen for awhile. He told me about how he was in trouble because his parent became ill. He makes very good money for Vermont standards, but his parent was elderly and the pension they were promised was pulled away from them, along with the life long health insurance program. They had only medicare, but it did not cover all of what this illness cost. His parent has moved out of their life long home in another state, to move to Vermont and live with their son. This is causing a huge burden on the son, who loves his parents, but looks like the stress has taken a toll.....sad.
Of course, I also was telling people my story. It is also sad....and one I am sure I have written about so does not need repeating. I just put my last bit of money that I had (and really could not afford to as it should have gone for other bills) into my heating oil tank. The $700 I paid out, only put in 1/2 a tank, and is not enough for the minimum delivery for the next fill (which does not fill it)...then I don't know what I am going to do......I could go into the details of why this is so hard, and how keeping my thermostat at 50 to try to make my oil stretch longer...thereby causing me increased illness...but hey, you have heard all that, I won't bore you.....but it sucks.
And then, as I was coming home, I overheard a man talking on his cell phone. He was telling whoever in a very sad and dejected voice, "I am too old to be this poor". I just wanted to cry. I know how he feels.
This is America. The supposedly richest country in the world. How did we get here? My mother, who has lived a fairly financially comfortable existence, is now for the first time in her life wondering where she will go if she can no longer afford the retirement place she lives....she is 91. She has outlived her savings. That is too old to be wondering what is going to happen to her. I feel so bad, I can't help her. I get stressed over that. I get stressed over my financial situation........the number one way to halt the progression of my disease......live with decreased stress in my life. HA HA.
What are we going to do people? I know, many people say "but for God's grace, there go I", and shake their heads and feel sorry for those of us who are in these situations. I do appreciate prayers, lots of prayers.....but something else needs to be done. I write my representatives, both local and in Washington, I beg with them to help people like me. I just heard that our new governor has said he is afraid he is going to piss off those who put him in office, as what needs to be cut are many of the services. How can this happen? What is the plan? Who cares? I think that last question has a double meaning. I am asking who will help us, because who will care enough to take care of those of us who are too sick, too weak, too down trodden to fight for ourselves. But then there is the other meaning....I am afraid it is the one that has more correctness to it....in who cares? No one cares, no one will do anything.....
I think so many people are on the fringe of losing what they have, that they can't even think about helping out those of us who have already lost it. Then there are those who are hiding amongst their money, so afraid that if anyone knows they have it, it will be taken away from them (I don't think I personally know anyone like this, but I can imagine they are out there).
If I had energy, I would think about starting communes again. Or at least some kind of intentional communities made up of those who can do things for one another. On the days I have energy, I use them to help other people. I know there are those out there who have this same feeling. They would like to do anything to help feel productive. I go across the street to my coop and do a little volunteer work. That is one thing I do. Unfortunatly, most of the time I do not feel good enough to be reliable. However, the workers there are wonderful, and they allow me to come and do what I can when i can. This is the way it should be.
I know there are other sickos like me who would give anything to feel productive again. To give back, to take care, to pay it forward. Although I would say overall 2010 sucked, I would also have to say that I have been blessed so much by people I hardly know and their extreme generosity. That will always go down as one of the best things that has ever happened to me. So 2010 was not so bad when I look at this aspect of the year. There are good people out there, and I am blessed to know at least 3 of them!!! (I know more than that, but I am talking about the most recent miracle of friendship and selflessness). I only hope that I can pay this forward.
So, I am saddened. I want to do something. Please help me. Help me think of how I can support a society of people who are struggling. Good people. People who just had the misfortune of getting sick. Or, of having a large family they once upon a time could feed easily. Or of finding out that the place they worked all their life, and felt a loyalty to...has suddenly turned on them. This is happening all over.
So, I would like to suggest that you put aside those video games you got for Christmas, or reduce the amount of lattes and expensive coffee drinks you buy at those large chains....and put aside something for those who think that MacDonalds is now considered fine dining. Use your energy to dream. Dream of places and ways to help all of us who are in this boat. Write your Congress people and let them know you want the people of this country to be taken care of. (Don't forget the animals, they deserve our help too). Do something....please, just do something.
Thank you....
