Entitlement

I haven't felt like writing in the past couple of weeks. I guess because nothing has come to me that made me feel passionate, or angry, or happy, or whatever it is that makes me want to share my ideas with you all. But today, I got a post on FB that made me stop and think, you may have seen it. It is a pic of a youngish looking ER doctor, who is complaining because the person he is working on is covered in tattoos, has a lot of bling, smokes, and eats at fast food restaurants. He said this is what is wrong with our system. It isn't the medical system that is broken, it is our social system. Well, yes and no.

The first thing this brought to mind is when I was working, within a medical clinic setting where most people there knew I was on medicare/medicaid, a rumor was spread about my spending habits. Basically, someone overheard me say that I wanted an Iphone. It went from this statement, to my supervisor being called in to warn him that someone who is working and claiming to be on SSDI with medicare and medicaid is buying things like an expensive Iphone.

Ok, lets get real here; there are many things wrong with this picture! First, how me saying I wanted an Iphone, transferred to me going out and actually purchasing an Iphone was the first assumption that was just wrong. Next, the fact that anyone can tell me how to spend my money, is just wrong. Also, for those who get all paranoid and freaky about how can I be on SSDI and be working...yes, you can be on disability and work. They actually encourage it. So, what this brings up is: if you are poor, and you are using money that basically you worked for most of your life (I have been giving up a portion of my check since I was 16 to that fund), then apparently people around me have the right to monitor my spending habits. If I am living on a fixed limited income, well by golly, I had better look like I am poor. Nothing new and shiny for me! BTW, I don't even own a trac phone. You see, I can say I want something, it really doesn't mean I am going to get it.

But, this is a good example of how those of us who have had to swallow our dignity, to push away our pride, to become less than....because of something that is totally out of our control, has forced us into living a life we were not planning. Yes, there are those who abuse the system. There are those who have figured out how to screw the government out of money. We say they feel "entitled". But, isn't the example I use above just as bad? Why are people who are working "entitled" to tell me how to spend my money? Why should this be an issue in my work place? Why do they even listen to rumors in the first place? Why wouldn't they just come to me rather than telling my supervisor? Yeah, to me none of this makes any sense.

When I questioned the reasons behind this inquiry into how I am spending my money, the explanation was as follows: "I think it is because there are people here who are working really hard for their money, and to see someone who is on disability affording things that they can't, gets them upset"....ok, wait red flag, red flag..... First, and again....I don't have an Iphone, or any phone that is not connected to a land line. So, this should be a non issue to begin with...maybe we should start talking about rumors....but, that was not the case...the case was "people who are working hard for their money".....Oh, I guess that means because I am on disability, I am somehow taking it easy for mine? I remember working prior to getting sick. Work was most of the time enjoyable, fun, easy. I didn't think twice about getting up in the morning, showering, eating breakfast, and getting out of the door on time to drive to work. Well, since becoming sick and being on disability, just getting to work is more work that most people do at their actual job. I remember a few days during the winter, that by the time I walked through the snow, shoveled to get my car out, and got in the car.....I sat there and cried. I was too exhausted and too much in pain to even think about going in to work....but I did. Did I take a few more breaks that day? Maybe. But, just to be clear, that did not mean I was in some worker's lounge with my feet up, or chatting with co-workers. No, what that meant for me was that I just stayed at my desk and answered the phones, and did some paper work. I tried not to do any extra running around. So, I don't think that because I was on SSDI, somehow my job was any easier than theirs' was. In fact, I would say, I worked even harder for my money.

Why? Why would I do that, when all I would have to do for work is "run out to my mailbox". I have heard that one too. "Yep, that is her job, she just has to open her mailbox and laugh all the way to the bank." I know there is a perception that many people who are on public assistance want to be there. I don't believe this. I think if anyone was given a way to go back to work, or earn money in a way that was acceptable, they would. It is easy to look at someone on public assistance and think that they are the problem. I don't think "they" are. I think as long as we can look at "them", and think it is "their" problem, well then it can't be ours. It is an us and them thing. We are not in their shoes, that is because we want to work. "Look at whoosywhatsit over there, was on public assistance and pulled herself right up and out of there and is now working. If she can do it, so can wheresywhosit." And that is where the conversation ends. It is their fault. Or maybe it is the system's fault, it got people all used to depending on it, so it could be the system's fault. " Well, it is either the person's or the system's, but it sure isn't mine. I have a job, I like to work. I may not even like to work, but I do because I do not want to be a drain on society. I do not want to be one of THEM. And, what would we be if we did not have THEM?" I think maybe the answer to that question is easy to answer. We are them, and they is us. We say they think they are entitled to all this and that, and that is the problem. We feel entitled to judge them because they receive all that they feel so entitled to. So, we are all entitled. The meek shall inherit the earth. I think maybe, just maybe the "meek" are those of us who are living on public assistance!

It is so ironic to watch our culture. We don't like people who feel entitled, yet we put up on reality (ha ha) TV people who have lots of money and little sense. They become our heros. We think that it would be great to be just like them. We all want to have 200 + cars and motorcycles in our garage (Jay Leno). We worship those that can throw parties for 300 people each night in their mansions (Dennis Rodman and other sports heros). We are told if we work hard, if we follow our dreams, we can get there too. Every night there is another example of this put before our very eyes. Rappers/musicians who make it out of poverty and are dripping in bling and extravagance. They did it. Those that can throw away money are our heros. Politicians who help keep the very rich, the very rich....they are heros to some people. They promise that if you just act/think like them, you will be rich too.

I was thinking the other day about how companies used to take care of "us". You put in years of dedicated service, and the company would take care of you. The church would take care of you. Your neighbors or extended family would take care of you, if you could not work. Now, no one is taking care of anyone. No one wants to be a "them". So, in order not to be a "them" we have to keep all that we get. We have to buy things like Iphones that show that we are not a "them". And when one of "them" gets out of line and tries to look like one of "us", my God, get out the regulations that tells us how to keep them down. Humility is a good weapon, use that one.

So, this doctor, the one who is upset because he is treating a young woman who is poor, living on disability and has the nerve not to eat well, or at least quit smoking....well, she is the problem. Not him, he has to work with THEM. Good him.

Last night, I used up about 3 hours of my life trying to figure out how $80 in food stamps per month is going to allow me to maintain a healthy diet. Don't get me wrong, I am so grateful for those $80. I certainly can eat lots of beans and rice. And I will. But, I would like to have some variation in my diet. I searched the internet for hints on how to eat organic, local, healthy and the diet I am recommended to follow to reduce inflammation to slow the progression of Dercum's Disease. It is not going to be easy. Almost makes me want to throw in the towel and go buy some hamburger, and the cheapest most fatty at that. I can afford that, and probably get about 10 meals out of a pound. But, that isn't good for me. So, I have to work just a little harder to maintain a healthy diet. So, I am kind of getting paid for doing a job, I am getting paid to figure out how to stay healthy and not use up any more of this money they are "giving" me, so I won't be a "drain on society".

I know I get fuel assistance this year. But, what does that mean? How much will I have to come up with myself. I won't know until November. The thing is, I don't have any extra money to pay for fuel. So, how low will I have to keep my thermostat this winter, to make that heating oil stretch. Last year it was 55 during the day, and 50 at night. This is not good for my health. Being in the cold makes my muscles tense up, then it makes my pain flair. This causes more trips to the doctor, looking for those drugs that prove to everyone that I am just an addict. Yeah, I asked for this. And, I am entitled to this by God. Maybe the thinking is: if we make her keep her house so cold she can't stand it, she will by God get up and get to work, then she can stay warm!!

No, what I really want is a job. I want to feel good, to go out and feel useful. I want to help others, I want to do good things. But, apparently while swimming through the gene pool, I didn't pick up much that was very helpful toward accomplishing those dreams.....I am entitled, to all the judgement that keeps Them from becoming Us. or visa versa, it really doesn't matter any more....and I still don't have an Iphone.