Treat No Trick!

A friend of mine just said he would read an experience I put on FB on my blog. Now, he may have read the last one, and is trying to tell me that he did.....as he is my favorite token Republican in my life!! :) So, he may have not enjoyed the last blog......but you will enjoy this one!

I love this little village I live in. It is what American should be. We tend to really watch out for one another, and care for each other, and yesterday was a really good example of that.

I was over at our little food co-op, the local hang out for me. I love everyone who works there, and the atmosphere. There are usually members of the community shopping and we always seem to have time for a conversation deeper than the weather. So, yesterday I was lamenting the fact that I could not afford Halloween candy for the trick- or- treaters this year. I live on a very popular block and can go through $40 of candy easily. A few people were talking to me as I said this.

Later, I was laying on my couch and watching TV. I heard a noise at my door, and looked out the window to see a kid speeding away on a scooter. I didn't feel like getting up at the time, but later when I went out.....what should be hanging on my door, but two large bags of Halloween candy and a note saying it was from my 10 year old (I think) neighbor down the road!!!! HOW SWEET IS THAT!!!!!! I can do Halloween now!!!

I love Halloween in this town. I don't decorate, but I do love handing out candy and seeing the costumes. We have a Halloween Parade that is fun to watch. So, I was sad that I would have to hide in my house and pretend I was not home.....but not now! I also know that the family that helped me out, is not that much better off than I am.....so this is one humbling experience.

So, my Republican friend.....there you go! I suppose, this is really what should be happening in our world. We all should be taking care of one another, so the government doesn't have to step in....but I hate to say it...this is rare! I think though, if we are going to have to weather the upcoming storm.....We need to all take a lesson in this little village of mine. We do need to start taking care of one another. We need to realize those that don't have family or ways to help themselves, and be more proactive in reaching out to them. Maybe that is what this world needs, to get us "out of ourselves" a little bit.

I am sitting here thinking of an elderly woman who lives down the street who has asked me to come visit her. I haven't....I should. Maybe, I need to put my words into action....maybe I need to go visit her. I always think because of my disability "what can I do for anyone"...heck, I can talk! I can go visit! I can sign petitions to help the wild life, I can vote, I can be nice to the little kids in the block, as well as the not so little kids. There are many things I still can do....and I will. Will you?

So, much thanks go out to my little goblin candy provider, I hope your generosity has sparked anyone who reads this to pay something forward this next week. If you do, report back here or on my facebook page....ready, set....go!

Help the Wolves....please!!

I am sitting here crying. I don't do this very often, so when I do, it is for a damn good reason! I am crying because I just got an e-mail from an organization I support which is Defenders of Wildlife. The email I got was asking me to sign a petition going to the Discovery Channel asking them to ban Sarah Palin's show about "her Alaska". One of the reasons this petition was started was because she has not only allowed but encouraged arial slaughter of the Alaskan Wolf. One way she encouraged this was by paying a $150 bounty on any left leg (I can't remember if hind or fore, but that shouldn't matter here), that was brought in. That is what has made me cry. I can't believe anyone can be so callas and mean. Look into the eyes of this wondeful wolf hybrid that is my neighbor, and tell me these beautiful animals don't have a soul.

I am from Montana, where the wolf was reintroduced into Yellowstone park. On one of my visits back to my old stomping grounds, I went back to Yellowstone and sat and waited and saw the wolves. They are so wonderful. I am kind of strange this way, but that kind of beauty and power, just gets to me....and makes me cry. I cried at the Dolphin show at the Boston Aquarium too. For what ever reasons, I feel so close to these wonderful creatures. All animals, wild or domesticated. Of course, sharing my life with a wild dog has kind of made me more aware of how special and amazing wild animals really are!!!

So, would I be crying if Sarah Palin took out a bounty on right wing fundamentalists?....well, probably not. But then, they can take up arms and defend themselves.....these animals can not. They were here before we are. How dare we think that they are encroaching upon our land. That is complete nonsense. They don't want to have anything to do with us. They just want to do what they do best...exist and make sure their species does not die out. They help our eco system.

I am currently watching a nest cam set in South Africa of an Eagle Owl. I thought the name of the cam was funny....as it is potplantowl. I was tuning in thinking I would see these stoned owls hanging out in marijuana plants, but oh no, much more sad than that. These owls are nesting in someones potted plant on their balcony, as they couldn't find any natural place to nest. Luckily, they picked someone who is just interested in putting a cam up, and showing us the irony of this. How many people would either through ignorance or negligence, destroy the nest?

I cry a lot over animals. I want to see them safe. I want to see them living their lives like they should. If you have a moment and want to do something little to help these wonderful creatures, please go to the web site of Defenders of Wildlife and look at the actions you can take.

One of these days I hope that I can sign a petition to get rid of all the idiots out there like Sarah Palin, but until then......

May I Be a Good Friend...

One thing I have been thinking about is friendship. I am very lucky, as I have many good friends. Some, I have never met! I guess in years prior to computers, this may have been called "pen-pals". Now however, I have some very good friends who I chat on the phone with, and write emails to, and I consider them just as good of friends as those who are in my everyday life in the flesh. In fact, they may even know more about me than some of my real time friends. When my uncle recently died, I talked to my aunt who I haven't had much contact with in recent years. She told me that one of the qualities that I had that she envied a little, was being able to make friends easily. I guess that is true.

When I was a kid, I thought everyone was our friend. The guy that pumped gas, the store clerk, and the librarian. My father never knew a stranger. He also made friends easily. I suppose I learned that skill from him. The other thing I think caused this friend making behavior, is being an only child. I did not have sisters or brothers, I also did not have any extended family members that lived close, so I had lots of friends. I grew up in a great neighborhood, and there were kids my age in almost every house on the block. So, friends were always an important staple in my life.

Usually, I have always had many good friends, but one or two really close friends. Lately, I have been thinking about all the friends who have left my life. I am sad about that. Some died, some just faded away as our lives took different paths, and some left under stressful conditions. Some have gone away without any real explanation. Those are the hard ones. Actually, both of my closest and longest relationships ended that way. One was a thirty year friendship. We were closer than friends, really. To me we were more like siblings. I don't know what happened. Our lives did take drastically different paths, but it seems like the older I get, the more I want to rekindle this relationship.....but I wonder, can it work? If I can base a friendship on just shared memories of our crazy past, then maybe. But, when our lives are now so different, maybe it isn't possible to become close once again. It makes me sad though. The person who has the most history of me, is unavailable to me.

The other day I was explaining some amazing gifts some new friends have bestowed on me to someone. These are friends who I have met through the internet. The person stopped me and asked, "Do you have any real friends?" I knew what she meant, but I pondered that for a moment before I answered. Are these not "real" friends? They feel real. I suppose if we were in a room together, rather than on the phone or the internet it is possible that the "chemistry" would cause us not to enjoy one another's company.....but I doubt that. I don't have a sense of smell, so even if they never bathed and smelled horrible....I wouldn't care!!! LOL I could imagine a scenario where they were energy suckers and the boundry crossing would be difficult to handle....but usually, I know this just from talking to someone.....so I think, when and if we ever get into the same room...we will still like one another! So, yes....I have real friends, as they are not imaginary! (What the question meant was do I have friends that I go out and do things with....yes I do)

I had a number of these as a child. I apparently thought they were real. My mother told me that I almost had a break down one day when she slammed the car door shut on one of them! So, they must have seemed real to me. I don't remember this. I don't remember my imaginary friends, but I have heard so many stories that I think I remember them. The only one that no one knows about is the only one I actually remember. I wonder what that means? (If you want to do some arm chair psychotherapizing.....go ahead, my ego can take it...LOL)

My other closest friends.....my animals. Some would possibly say that they would not really be friends, but I think they are the closest friends, and the best friends I have ever had. All they seem to want to do is love me. How many of my friends can I say that about? I have some good friends, but lets face it....the human ones always have some kind of strings attached. That isn't necessarily negative...it is just the nature of us humans...

So, as I sit here tonight, and ponder the meaning of friendship, and friends....I feel pretty darn lucky. I have had, and currently have some amazing friends. Because I have lived in many places, I have also had the fortune to make all kinds of friends, learning about all kinds of cultures, beliefs, religions, and backgrounds. Luckily, I think I am pretty open minded and non-judgemental. I learned a long time ago that it is ok to agree to disagree about things. I have learned so much from my travels, and my curiosity of other people's lives. (Good quality for a psychotherapist huh?)

If you are reading this, you may be my friend...or maybe you just started reading my blogs recently. I want to thank all of you who are reading this, but mostly I want to thank all the friends and acquaintances I have had throughout my life. You have come into my life for a reason, and even if we ended our relationship on a negative or hard circumstance....I learned from you. I believe even those that we consider our "enemies" ( a strong word that I don't really think I apply to any of those who have been in my life, but it is 3am and my word choices are not as plentiful as they could be when I am a little less tired) are our greatest teachers. I truly love all my friends, past and present. I wish I could do something for every single one of you to show my appreciation of our walk on this earth together. Whether that walk was a day, or 30 years, you have touched my heart and changed me. I just hope my interaction with you was positive, or helped you grow in some way.

May all of us find friends that nourish our soul. May we hold onto our friends who love us, and let those who challenge us go with a prayer for their continued well being. May I be a good friend to all who come into my life.

Am I Depressed??

I can start off by saying....NO. But, so many people
seem to think I am, or should be. Yesterday I had an interesting experience at my doctor's office. He said he declined my home health nurses's request for a DNR. I said "no wait, that is correct". He looked all concerned and said, "I have to explain this to you. If you are outside and suddenly drop, no one can touch you, even if you could be resucitated you will die"
" That is correct"
"But you are pretty young to want that"
"Come live in my shoes, and see if you want to continue living if something says it is my time to go"
At that, my dear doctor gave me stats to back up my thinking. I really think he was giving himself stats to be ok with me, at 54 years old, not wanting to be kept alive. I suppose some people would think that was coming from a place of depression, but for me.....I think it is the most sane and wonderful choice there is. I certainly don't want to be kept alive by machines, but really, I want to go when that first touch of the "death angel" comes for me. I think that will be one of my departed animals BTW.

I am not afraid of death. I don't welcome it, but I have lived a pretty event filled life. I have no regrets as I look back, in fact mostly I smile. I have had easy times and hard times. Right now, because of my health, I am having the hardest time ever. Sure, I find ways to keep myself happy. I am enjoying what I do have, but truth be told, I am not all that happy with my quality of life. I have learned to adapt. Another comment made at my doctor's appointment yesterday....
I said in response to a small political discussion we were in, "I pretty much quit watching news, I find that those CNN junkies I know are all pretty depressed. I know that the world has things that suck in it, I really don't need to be reminded on a daily basis".
My doc agreed and said that it gives him a feeling of being out of control, but it is really a mirage that we are in any kind of control at all anyway. I agreed, and said, "Try getting a chronic pain illness, or 5 in my case.....there is nothing like that to wipe away any thoughts that we are actually in control of much of anything. I learned that you learn to roll with the punches, you learn to be grateful of the good things, and you focus on what you have, rather than what you don't have."

So, yes, if you look at my life, you may think I am depressed. I spend a great amount of time inside, laying on my couch. I don't reach out to people like I used to, I don't attend social events. So, based on that, on a forced isolation...well, it could look like depression. But, I am so grateful for those friends that have hung in there with me, that have not given up on me because I can't participate in their social invites. I am very grateful to my medical providers who have hung in with me and know that I am doing my best to help myself feel as good as can be.

So, I am not depressed. I am just moving along the best I can, waiting for the day when the pain will lessen, the fatigue will lift, and my life will have a better quality. I still have some hope that this will happen. As you know if you have been reading this, I have been adjusting my goals so I do have something to look forward to. I think this is key.

So no, I am not depressed...quite the opposite, even if I did request a DNR!!