May I Be a Good Friend...

One thing I have been thinking about is friendship. I am very lucky, as I have many good friends. Some, I have never met! I guess in years prior to computers, this may have been called "pen-pals". Now however, I have some very good friends who I chat on the phone with, and write emails to, and I consider them just as good of friends as those who are in my everyday life in the flesh. In fact, they may even know more about me than some of my real time friends. When my uncle recently died, I talked to my aunt who I haven't had much contact with in recent years. She told me that one of the qualities that I had that she envied a little, was being able to make friends easily. I guess that is true.

When I was a kid, I thought everyone was our friend. The guy that pumped gas, the store clerk, and the librarian. My father never knew a stranger. He also made friends easily. I suppose I learned that skill from him. The other thing I think caused this friend making behavior, is being an only child. I did not have sisters or brothers, I also did not have any extended family members that lived close, so I had lots of friends. I grew up in a great neighborhood, and there were kids my age in almost every house on the block. So, friends were always an important staple in my life.

Usually, I have always had many good friends, but one or two really close friends. Lately, I have been thinking about all the friends who have left my life. I am sad about that. Some died, some just faded away as our lives took different paths, and some left under stressful conditions. Some have gone away without any real explanation. Those are the hard ones. Actually, both of my closest and longest relationships ended that way. One was a thirty year friendship. We were closer than friends, really. To me we were more like siblings. I don't know what happened. Our lives did take drastically different paths, but it seems like the older I get, the more I want to rekindle this relationship.....but I wonder, can it work? If I can base a friendship on just shared memories of our crazy past, then maybe. But, when our lives are now so different, maybe it isn't possible to become close once again. It makes me sad though. The person who has the most history of me, is unavailable to me.

The other day I was explaining some amazing gifts some new friends have bestowed on me to someone. These are friends who I have met through the internet. The person stopped me and asked, "Do you have any real friends?" I knew what she meant, but I pondered that for a moment before I answered. Are these not "real" friends? They feel real. I suppose if we were in a room together, rather than on the phone or the internet it is possible that the "chemistry" would cause us not to enjoy one another's company.....but I doubt that. I don't have a sense of smell, so even if they never bathed and smelled horrible....I wouldn't care!!! LOL I could imagine a scenario where they were energy suckers and the boundry crossing would be difficult to handle....but usually, I know this just from talking to someone.....so I think, when and if we ever get into the same room...we will still like one another! So, yes....I have real friends, as they are not imaginary! (What the question meant was do I have friends that I go out and do things with....yes I do)

I had a number of these as a child. I apparently thought they were real. My mother told me that I almost had a break down one day when she slammed the car door shut on one of them! So, they must have seemed real to me. I don't remember this. I don't remember my imaginary friends, but I have heard so many stories that I think I remember them. The only one that no one knows about is the only one I actually remember. I wonder what that means? (If you want to do some arm chair psychotherapizing.....go ahead, my ego can take it...LOL)

My other closest friends.....my animals. Some would possibly say that they would not really be friends, but I think they are the closest friends, and the best friends I have ever had. All they seem to want to do is love me. How many of my friends can I say that about? I have some good friends, but lets face it....the human ones always have some kind of strings attached. That isn't necessarily negative...it is just the nature of us humans...

So, as I sit here tonight, and ponder the meaning of friendship, and friends....I feel pretty darn lucky. I have had, and currently have some amazing friends. Because I have lived in many places, I have also had the fortune to make all kinds of friends, learning about all kinds of cultures, beliefs, religions, and backgrounds. Luckily, I think I am pretty open minded and non-judgemental. I learned a long time ago that it is ok to agree to disagree about things. I have learned so much from my travels, and my curiosity of other people's lives. (Good quality for a psychotherapist huh?)

If you are reading this, you may be my friend...or maybe you just started reading my blogs recently. I want to thank all of you who are reading this, but mostly I want to thank all the friends and acquaintances I have had throughout my life. You have come into my life for a reason, and even if we ended our relationship on a negative or hard circumstance....I learned from you. I believe even those that we consider our "enemies" ( a strong word that I don't really think I apply to any of those who have been in my life, but it is 3am and my word choices are not as plentiful as they could be when I am a little less tired) are our greatest teachers. I truly love all my friends, past and present. I wish I could do something for every single one of you to show my appreciation of our walk on this earth together. Whether that walk was a day, or 30 years, you have touched my heart and changed me. I just hope my interaction with you was positive, or helped you grow in some way.

May all of us find friends that nourish our soul. May we hold onto our friends who love us, and let those who challenge us go with a prayer for their continued well being. May I be a good friend to all who come into my life.