Pyrotechnics and Pain...

I think I took about 100 pictures of the fireworks, but this is the only one that turned out well. Digital cameras and fireworks take some getting used to! Timing is everything apparently.

But, this is is the story of how i spent the day of honoring that on some date many many years ago, we gained our independence from England. At least I think that is what it is about. Bad little American!!! So, I gave it a little thought, but to be honest, not much. Don't start getting all mad at me yet, if you are of the ilk to care about these kind of things. But first, I was going to explain what at least about oh maybe 500? people did with me to celebrate this day. I went to Thunder Road. For those of you who are not from around these here parts, Thunder Road (other wise known as "the nation's site of excitement") is our local stock car race track. I appologize to anyone who knows the actual name of what this race track is, I am not sure if they are really stock cars....

Last year, one of my friends told me that she had always wanted to go there. However she did not think anyone would agree to go with her. You see, there is a little bit of a reputation amongst some, that this kind of entertainment is for a class of people that would be labeled redneck. In fact kind of hard core redneck, so her friend base being those who most would most likely be considered "old hippie" types, usually are not into heading off to see cars riding round and round a track. Well, I am pretty much always up for an adventure. Back in my younger days my motto was: "I will try anything, once!...except for heroin!". That sense of adventure continues to this day, although believe me, the things that I will agree to do these days has more to do with what I CAN DO, more that what I WANT TO DO! LOL So, I agreed to go with her. And, we discovered, it was fun!

I am not sure what is more fun for me, the people watching, the actual almost visceral excitment of the cars themselves as they race by, or Al's French Fries (again for those of you who are not from round these parts, Al's French Fries are Fabulous!!! There are theories about what makes them so good, but whatever it is, they are to die for), or for the actual entertainment of the announcers who are funny, and the special events that just make it fun. Whatever it is, we found ourselves going a number of times last summer.

This was met by some eyebrow raising and soapbox preaching by a number of my friends too. I got all the lectures about how in an era where we are all freaking out about being "green" this one event that actual uses the evil petroleum as a necessity. And then there is the smell of the oil, the roar of the engines...blah blah blah. Yep, there is all that stuff, but still, I think it is fun!

So, this is what we decided to do for the 4th. Unfortunatly the walk just to get inside the gates is quite a hike, not to mention there are some pretty steep little bumps in the sidewalk that lead to the grandstands (for those of you who do know about Thunder Road, yes, I sit in the stands. I no longer have the ability to enjoy the reason for sitting on the grassy knoll which is called Budwiser Hill, and is the only place you can drink adult beverages, or smoke cigarettes). So, the fun and excitement were just not there for me as i sat and watched the people, the cars, and ate the french fries. I was in too much pain.

But, being the trooper I am, I decided that i did want to watch the fire works, so we stayed until the end. I am not sure why, but the fireworks at Thunder Road are the best I have seen almost anywhere in any state or celebration I have attended!! Last year there was also a display (although it was not on the 4th of July), so I knew we were in for a treat if we waited. And we were, they were magnificent! But, like I said above, being in pain so bad that I wanted to throw up, was kind of taking the enjoyment right out of this. And, it just isn't fair. Ok, but here comes the thoughtful part of this blog...

I will even change colors....and for more astute of you, you will notice it is red, white and blue!!!

So what for the pain I was in!! What I had been thinking about most of that day, was the pain other families are feeling during this day. You see, I am from that generation where the Viet Nam war made us so anti war, anti anything to do with war, and for some anti American. I picked up a little of those feelings being of teen age impressionable age. And I wasn't an "old hippie" then. I was more like a baby hippie. And I was confused. Most of the boys my age were not going over to the war, but a few who did were just a few years older. I remember the way they were treated when they came back. Loved for the electronics and drug they got while there, but that was about the extent of how much we cared about and for them.

I am so glad, that while I still think war sucks, and i still wish that we would have no reason to have any of our citizens participating in this war, at least we now realize that what they are doing is to be respected. I may be wrong, (I have moments of that, *tee hee*), but to me the fourth was not about our soldiers, but just about winning our independence in a long ago, some don't even know the name of war......but now, we are celebrating the soldiers. As we were singing the "National Anthem" I remembered that in grade school, we put our hands over our hearts. I don't remember doing that anymore. I looked around, and i saw a few, but very few people with their hands over their hearts. Mostly what I saw was people laughing and talking, trying to keep their children from running off, or crying. I didn't really see too many who were actually paying attention to the words, to the feel of it all. I decided to put my hand on my heart, and low and behold.....I had an experience that surprised me, I started choking up. A tear ran down my cheek.

I don't know why. Is it that for that moment, I felt for all the families who are not celebrating with their loved ones because they are at war, or even worse, will never again celebrate with their families because they did not make it out of the war alive. I don't know, but for that minute or so, I felt something very deep. Then they said "start your engines"....and varooooommmm, the feeling was gone.

Not the pain, oh that was still there, and more intense than ever......but the pain that I live with, it is nothing. It is not like the pain of losing a loved one to a war. Although my pain hurts, and is intense and keeps me from enjoying life, my heart goes out to those with the other pain. I am so sorry that you have to experience that kind of pain. No one should have to experience that. So, on this 4th, I am thinking of you. I am thinking of your pain, not mine!