New Day, New Emotions...or I love my friends!!!

Well, I got through yesterday. It wasn't easy. However, with some loving responses and phone calls from from my new kindred, and my cousin.....life got better. Well, I can't lie, the visit to the doctor to get additional pain killers to help with the pain was also a big factor. At least today I can walk without cringing and crying.

So my dear readers, what is on my mind today? Today is filled with possibilities! Quite different from yesterday, huh? Yes, my life has had to take a very different turn. Those possibilities, at least for now, are not what they used to be. There is no way I am driving very far, or taking a walk on my favorite trail, or doing anything that requires much physical exertion. I am afraid those days are over. I am not sure that my doctors would say the same thing, but I know. I can feel how far my body has declined in the past months. I know it is not purely deconditioning, as I try to do things (as you have read), even simple enjoyable things.....and I can no longer participate in them. So, it isn't for lack of trying. And, as I have now realized, that trying can put me down now for days......so, I have to realize, at least for now, and maybe forever.....what I used to think of as fun and socialization....may be over.

So, today.....today is a new day, with a new attitude. And, I was just sitting here wondering what I was going to do today. Planning my day, as it were. The thing that surprised me, is I don't think the day is long enough to get in all the things I want to do....and I mean things that I CAN do. This is exciting and wonderous to me, especially after the crash of yesterday.

So, what is it I can do? Well, I am in the middle of a book that I have been reading, and that is nice as for a few months there, I could not even read. So, that feels like something I would like to do. Of course there is my art work. I am working on a new yarn painting that I am very much enjoying. And, for those of you who have read the first chapter, and have encouraged me to continue....I have a book to write. I also have a number of movies that I have recorded onto my DVR that I need to watch soon, or they will POOF! LOL....

I am also hoping to start a new painting. Well actually, two. One of an image a friend took while visiting the US from Australia. It is an amazing photo she took at the San Diego Zoo of a wolf that she got to howl. She used photoshop to place the wolf into a very cool setting. She sent it to me to see her photoshop work, and gave me permission to paint it. I am very excited about this!!! The other, is a line from a poem another friend wrote. The line blew me away with it's imagery, so again, I asked permission to attempt to put it into a visual image, and she gave me her blessing.

AND THEN...he he...see!!!!! Of course, after taking that encaustics class (that I still can not believe what a generous and beautiful gift that was) I want to set up a studio to continue to do this work. I really should not spend the money (although, I am half way there because of my batik background), but one of these days, when I believe I can drive that far....I will go into Montpelier and get the needed supplies. I am VERY excited about that! Hmmm, maybe that is something I can get my social worker to do with me...hmmm??? LOL.

I do know though, that after taking that class, and the crash and pain that followed....I will have to work very slowly. But, that is the beauty of that medium...it allows for that.

So my friends.....if you see me heading down that path of feeling like because my life has changed so much, I am a different person, with nothing I can do any more.....remind me. Remind me that life is good, and needs to be documented...hence this blog! I know that many of you out there reading this have similar issues. I know your body has changed, has become something that seems so out of control, so foreign that you don't know what to do with yourself, well.....just sit, allow....know that the answer will come. The hopes and dreams that you had may not be within reach any longer, but there will be new ones that come into our lives. Be patient, they will come. (yah, I know, that is kind of odd for me to say, since yesterday, I thought my life would never have joy in it again, but see, see how fast it can turn around) he he he he!!!

Of course there are going to be bad days. That, I think, is unfortunate and inevitable. There will be days when the pain, the fatigue, the weakness will take over (as one friend who has Dercum's Disease calls it "the monster"), but it is temporary. Remember to hang on, to reach out (especially to those who love to laugh....muchas gracias to my late night friend and cousin calls last night)....and to remember, that even when you don't think anyone does or can.....you are loved. If you can't think of anyone....please remember this, and think of me!!! OK? Is that a deal?

Now, off to make my day one of creative fun, creative expression, along with the required rest!!! which even that at times can be a little more creative than I want (dreams).....LOL

I love you all, nameste!!!