TRASH BAGS, HOT WAX, AND LOVE

Today has been amazing. I should check my horoscope. Days like this, especially for me, do not happen very often. So, when they do, I really don't even know how to react, what to say, what to do....so, my new thing, BLOG.

Before I get into why I think this day has been so incredible, is that for many months, as some of you know, my life has been rather challenging. The obvious challenge is my health, but there have been others. I lost my job, I have had a few people who were close to me pass away, financial stress due to loss of said job has put me in a place I haven't been since I was for all purposes homeless in the early 90's. Added to this, a few friendships have come to an end (even if it was for a good thing, it still is a loss and still hurts), a few of my close friends have been very sick, or struggling with challenges that have affected me too, I can't go into details but a huge family stressor has been causing me emotional upheaval. All my animals need vet attention, but I can't afford it, and it hurts me to watch them hurt. And, others....I am not including this for in any way to have you feel sorry for me, or think I am trying to gain sympathy, actually quite the opposite.

So, to add to the challenge of recent days, by now if you are following this, you may know that I had a colonoscopy where the pain med/sedation didn't work for me. So, Thursday was a pretty intense day. Today, I thought....I am just going to sleep and eat (because I couldn't for days), and rest and treat myself well. And then.....

I think it was around 7:30am maybe, I got a phone call from a friend responding to a request i made to her on FB, to come and help me with trash/recycling. She said, are you ready for this in about an hour? OMG NO, I told her. I let her know that I intended to rest and treat myself well today. Trash just didn't seem to fit into that scenario. But, she said, all I had to do was sit and talk to her, I didn't need to help and she would do the rest. For those of you who don't know, since i have been sick, well let me back up, since i started working in August of 2008, I have had NO energy to do house work. So, a lot of recycling had piled up, and I mean a lot! I also had a fair amount of stuff that was laying around that I wanted to get rid of, but never made it to the dump....stuff like old small appliances that don't work, etc. By 10am, this was all gone. It was all picked up, taken away, and to add to that, it was fun. We laughed a lot, and talked about all sorts of things...I really can't believe how much got done. It was AMAZING, AND TOTALLY MADE MY DAY. So, just as she was leaving, the phone rang....

For some time now, I have been wanting to learn an art process called encaustic. It is basically painting with hot wax. I have been researching it on the internet, and looking at a local artist's work, and I think I would very much enjoy it. But, even if I wanted to try this, there is no way I could afford the materials. Then I also was concerned that if i did buy all the materials, what if I found out I didn't like it? So, I just continued to dream. A friend of mine who I have been discussing this with, called me the other day to tell me that SPA (Studio Place Arts in Barre) has a class on encaustics on July 12th. I looked it up on line and decided that because I have some money I got from an insurance policy I had that paid for each day I was hospitalized, that maybe I would splurge and do the morning portion of the class which was just an intro. The afternoon class was the hands on, with a materials fee. So I called them, and found out that they were probably full. I also asked if there was any kind of discount that I could maybe obtain, but she explained that was not possible. I was very sad, and called to tell my friend this news.

So, the phone call.....she called to tell me that she has paid for my attendance for both the morning and afternoon classes, as well as the material fees, and got me a year's membership to boot! I was speechless. I was well, I was all sorts of ways! She said "Happy Birthday". I told her this was too much, it isn't like she is made of money, and she said "Ok, Happy Birthday and Merry Christmas". I was still stammering for words....and she said, "Ok, you can either say thank you, or no thanks, it is up to you!"

So, wow. That is about all I know how to respond to all this....WOW. The world has seemed so kind of well, cruel lately. Yes, I have been trying to handle it all with a smile and with my chin up, but although I was certainly finding things that were good amongst all the crap.....today was just like over the top reminding me that good things do happen. So, my reader friends....that list of woes at the beginning, that was there to let you know that even when you think the world may be turning against you, that there is not ever going to be good things coming because as I had decided.....I must have been very bad in a past life, and I wanted to make up for it all in one fell swoop!

But no...there are angels amongst us. Don't get me wrong, I have had other good things happen to me, I have had some incredible generosity given to me when I have been in a bad space. In fact even in these past couple of months, I have had some very good, nice, amazing, wondrous things happen. I have met some very amazing new friends, and have even gained a little energy back...(sssssshhhhhhh, I don't want to say that too loud, cuz that I am enjoying and I don't want the bragging fairies to hear me).

But, I think these two very generous, out of the blue, expressions of kindness happening on one day, just hours of each other....well, it hit me.....there is love in this world. And, you don't even have to go out and look for it. Sometimes, it just comes to you unbidden. There is nothing like a fairly serious illness, that goes along with the long term chronic illness to make you start wondering about life, and in particular viewing life from an existential prospective. It is easy to forget about love. It is very easy to wonder how anyone can love you when you have nothing to offer (at least it feels that way at times). It is also too easy for me to accept that. It is what it is.

Until today, when love in it's pure no strings attached form, just the way it should be...came knocking on my door. I am so happy I answered! This learning to love yourself stuff has it's challenges, but also look at the rewards!